Whoa Betty!

I just saw The Proposal with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. It's predictable and yet, worth it. It's funny and a feel-good movie when I suspect we all crave feeling good.

Betty White made the movie. I want to be like her -- in almost every character she plays. Everyone knows I love the TV series, The Golden Girls and no, I do not refer to my nearest and dearest friends as my goldies because of this show. But the show is hysterical and it has stood the test of time.

I really started to follow Betty White in the 70s when she played the man-starved harlot, Sue Ann Nivens, on Mary Tyler Moore. I wanted to be Mary and I wanted to know Sue Ann.

Fast forward a few decades and I have known a few harlots. I've known a few ditzy gals, like Rose on The Golden Girls. I've known some really cool old women. Betty White seems to be one of the coolest.

It's A Wonderful Life

As I write this on my birthday, I must admit to a few thoughts of "what if..."

So. let's play George Bailey. What if I'd never been born?

I did not (and will not) discover a cure for any disease. I did not invent anything that will improve mankind. I did not spread the gene pool. I did not do a lot of things that I hope I may have the ability and the time to do.

Tonight I will say my prayers and I will start them with the same prayer I have said and amended since I was a little girl.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

I go off on my own from there so I won't bore you with that. But, most of my follow-up is about the gifts of my life and the abundance I have. Oh sure, I throw a few things in that are extremely and vitally selfish -- I'm human!

As another year has been acknowledged in my fleeting life, I mostly marvel at the gift of time. I hope I have more.

Even if I don't, I can put my head on the pillow, say my prayers and know that I have a wonderful life.

Happy birthday to me.

Birthdays

Of my group of golden friends, my goldies, three of us have a birthday within 9 days. Jan comes first, then me, then Lynn. Just to be different, Deb was born in October.

So, we're older and hopefully wiser. I know we are full-fledged adults but we still feel like kids a lot of the time. Our personalities and certainly our senses of humor have stayed intact.

In honor of the goldies, here are a few of my favorite quotes regarding birthdays:

"Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time."
Jean Paul Richter

"Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed."
Anthony Powell

"The forties are the old age of youth; the fifties are the youth of old age."
French proverb

"You are only young once but you can be immature for a lifetime."
John P. Grier

It's Gotta Be Weird -- Even for Cher

(Photo from People Magazine)

For the record, I am in no way making fun of homosexuality. I have known many gay people in my life and sexual orientation is not a factor in deciding how I feel about someone. I also think facing the fact that your child is gay is often a horrendous challenge for some (most?) parents.

But this isn't about most normal people who go about their ordinary lives and then get bashed in the head with the knowledge that their little Suzi likes girls or Bobby likes boys. This is about Cher -- a rather "out there" person in her own right.

Chastity, daughter of Cher and Sonny Bono, has long been out of the closet. Cher opened up years ago that this was tremendously difficult for her but she accepts it. (I have been to Cher concerts -- her most loyal following is people with alternative lifestyles.)

Now Chastity is in the midst of becoming a man. Apparently, this is not a simple surgery but a rather lengthy process.

Here's what I don't understand. If a woman is a self-proclaimed homosexual, what happens when she becomes a man? If the man now likes women, does that mean he is now heterosexual? Just curious.

I Love You Philip Gulley

Did I ever mention my obsession with Philip Gulley? I admire him. I read his books -- even the ones he receives death threats about. I identify with him. His Indiana childhood seems to be my Indiana childhood although in moments of clarity I realize both of us are doing a lot of editing. If he is speaking nearby, I go. I once introduced myself to him as, "Hello, I don't mean to keep stalking you."

That's his latest book in the photo above. Please read it, although he does not need my endorsement. It will be a best seller along with the others.

The other day a car pulled into the driveway. My father-in-law stepped out with arms stretched -- reaching for a hug at the sight of me.

(Ok, technically he has not been my father-in-law for 23 years since I was stupid enough to divorce his son and cause great pain all around. Whatever. I still think of him as Dad.)

In the midst of the bear hug and wonderful feelings and the tugging of tears, he handed me this book. Not only does he know how much I love Phillip Gulley -- he is friends with him. Not only does he forgive me for being an impetuous, self-centered human being -- he still bothers to love the woman I want to be and try to be.

So, he handed me this book and said, "Happy Birthday."

I try not to use names on this blog. I figure if you out yourself in a comment or by sending me an email, I have still kept some weirdo blogger-journalist code of ethics. But I am making an exception.

I love Philip Gulley. I also am truly blessed because I love Bob Friedly.

Days When Nothing Works Out

Lately I've managed to string together quite a number of days when a pity party is in order.

I still have not found a full time job,
My divorce attorney fouled up the filing so I had to start from scratch,
My nerves are on edge and I'm already a pretty hyper person,
And more...

Worrying and fretting solves nothing. I know this. Doesn't stop me.

I am learning to appreciate what I do have. And, I have a lot.

But on certain days...

Giving it Back

When my husband and I married, it was important to him that I take his name. I was a little hesitant. I really did not want to go through the hassle of changing my name. Again. I also have maintained an odd affection for my given name.

But, I am a pretty traditional person and I appreciate the symbolism and simplicity of sharing a name with a husband. A marriage -- a couple, a shared home, a shared last name.

I have used his last name for more than 16 years -- most of my professional life. More people know me by that name than my original name although thankfully, I've always held onto my maiden name as my middle name. I hope I have used his name well but I know now it was not meant to be permanent. It was given as a gift and I no longer want it. I'm thinking of it more as a loan and now it's time to give it back.

Once the nice judge says it is permissible, I will begin the lengthy (and somewhat cleansing) process of changing my name. Again. This time it doesn't feel like a chore. It feels like returning home.

And to all of you who have never quite given up calling me "Sheri Lynn" or referring to me as "Riley," I want you to know that all three names are music to my ears.

Pop Goes Reality

One of the greatest gifts that has been bestowed on me during this separation and divorce thing is a reconnection with an old friend. Before I take this too far and someone goes, "Whoa! I invited you over, I said you could stay here, I bought you a drink," let me say thank you and allow me to single out one friend among many.

She is one of my goldies but unlike the other two, I have not been a part of her life for oh so many years. I was not there as her children were growing and I did not call her with my life milestones. We cannot make up that time.

But just like with my other goldies, she gets me. We forgive a lot. Our expectations in this friendship are pretty damn high but our expectations of what the others should do with their choices in life are amazingly lenient. I have made the sad mistake of thinking other people in my life had earned this privilege (or I had earned it with them) but it is not true.

Sometimes people like to point out the errors of my ways. Let's be honest. Some days I'm more open to that than others. I might start blubbering and say, "Oh my gosh, you're right -- I completely messed that up!" Other days, I might do my best to head butt the person and cause serious pain. Or, I might just walk away with feigned deafness.This friend has a tremendously funny way of scolding me, hugging me, etc. with one gesture.



Make a circle with your thumb and forefinger (like the universal symbol for "ok") and then take your index finger from the other hand and stick in in the middle.

POP!

It's her quiet way of reminding me that life is different now. If I start a story with, "I used to ..." or "I have always done ..."

POP!

In some ways, we could not be more different. In many moments, I am slapped with the clarity of our sameness.

The Marrying Kind

I still refer to my husband by the title "my husband" for two reasons. First of all, we are still legally married and secondly, I probably won't ever refer to anyone else by that title again. Well, unless it has "ex" in front of it.

Although you might think that's silly coming from someone like me. This is not my first marriage or my first divorce. But, I do believe it is probably my last one. It's sad because I really like so much about being married. I never intended to be anything but married, especially this last time. Sometimes things just don't work out as planned.

I am a great studier of other people's relationships. And I know a lot of people that probably should not be married but somehow they've made it work and I haven't.

Someone very near and dear to my heart is also my idol. She was a wonderful wife and mother while still maintaining her own identity and sense of self in a role that sometimes chews up other women. Once her husband passed away, she was content to view her role as someone's wife as completed. She even said to me, "I enjoyed our many years together but I will not be anyone else's wife."

When she recently announced that she is marrying her boyfriend of several years, it made me rethink a few things. Like, I probably shouldn't make grand pronouncements of never marrying again.

Shopping at the Wal Mart

(You'll have to double click on the image above to read each box.)

Try to avoid it all you want. Odds are you will find yourself at WalMart for something. I don't know anyone who enjoys shopping there. Usually people talk about going there by saying, "I hate it but ...

it's so cheap."

it's on my way home."

they have everything."

These statements are all true and that is how this one company with no regard for customer service has managed to hold us all hostage.