Bubble Wrap

Today I was waiting for a friend in Broad Ripple, a little village in the heart of our town. A parent left the stroller on the sidewalk and I noticed the label said, "Remove Child Before Folding."

Have we really come to that?

A couple of years ago, I was on a plane and they announced on the speaker that they would not be serving peanuts because a child on the flight had peanut allergies. They also asked that anyone not eat anything with peanuts during the flight.

Bad things happen.

A person who was scheduled to review photos with our parishioners was called away this week because his son was murdered for his pizza delivery money. Not too far from my neighborhood, a guy was walking his dog and ended up shot in the back, paralyzed from the waist down. This was for $20 and his cell phone which he gave up with no questions asked.

Fear is a fungus. Freaky accidents and violent crimes get the most attention because they are the most shocking and the most unusual. Yet, we all go crazy.

I know someone who wears a pistol strapped to her ankle at all times. In her daily errands and in her own home. It's terribly sad for me to think of her living in perpetual fear.

I know a couple of people from my childhood. They both have three children roughly the same age. For the record, I love all the people involved in this story. But to be honest, I am less nervous with the kids who are allowed to cross the street, crawl in my car, roll with my dog, etc. The other kids are delightful and I'm sure they have their own releases. From my limited view, I see the bubble-wrapped, "don't touch the dog" and "take your shoes off" kind of childhood. Even when my own parents tried to keep me safe, I flocked to my peers and their houses where children fell down, picked themselves up and moved on.

I worked downtown before our downtown was revitalized. For many years I walked 5 blocks to and from my parking spot. Gasp! I was unarmed. I used to beg to walk to school and occasionally my parents let me do it.

Here's what I believe and the statistics prove me out.

A child is more likely to be kidnapped by a non-custodial parent than a stranger.
A child is more likely to be molested by a family member than a stranger.
A woman is more likely to be raped by an acquaintance than a stranger.
Anyone is more likely to be killed by someone texting while driving than all of the above scenarios.

Most people are good. They will call 911 if something seems amiss. They will administer CPR or the Heimlich maneuver instead of stealing your wallet. They will risk their own lives to save yours.

In the 70s, a very young John Travolta starred in a movie, "The Boy in the Bubble."

I refuse to be the woman in the bubble.

Falling Away

No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth. But I've had a few days lately that I want to.

So, please forgive this little unplanned break while I regroup. I will be back with new posts in a few days.

As Arnold says, "I'll Be Back!"

Marry the Geek

I met someone the other day and we chatted about clothes, favorite vacation spots and fun restaurants. In the course of the getting-to-know-you conversation, I asked what her husband does for a living. He's head of IT for some fancy shmancy corporation.

I am officially, over-the-top, out-of-my-head jealous.

Please remember that I have never met this man. But I am starting to think with my head instead of my heart. And I am not interested in how much money a man makes or who he knows at the country club. I don't care if he can get the governor on the phone or get free tickets to whatever hot act is coming to town.

If I ever date or marry again, I will be practical. I want the guy who can work the remotes or fix my computer when I'm having a meltdown at 2:00 AM.

You Gotta Love the English Language

Once again, I am blatantly stealing. I don't know where the credit for this should go. Otherwise, I would give credit where it is due.

I loved this and I hope you do too.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France
(Surprise!).

Burn, turn, fern, learn, urn, stern, --- Why do we use the "e" the "u" or the "ea" for the same sound?

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Park in the driveway or drive on the parkway? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down,

In which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes
off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick?"

Looking Back; Looking Forward

There's nothing wrong with walking along memory lane. It adds perspective and let's face it -- it's fun. But lately, I am trapped on that street. Time may not heal things but it's supposed to add perspective. I'm not sure about that either. With me, it's much easier to get wrapped up in the good times, the easier times, the days that I thought all was right with the world.

This is why we have girlfriends.

And parents. And dogs.

Did I mention I had a date last night with the love of my life? The man I have shared most of my adult life with and the man who is capable of evoking every emotion and feeling with a glance or a touch...

Scary stuff for the faint of heart.

I recently plopped myself in my minister's office. I pretended to talk about committee stuff for a while until I gathered the courage to ask him (again!) for guidance about my marriage and impending divorce. Like all talented and well-schooled counselors, he was useless. I believe he said, "You're looking for me to tell you what to do and I can't do that." (He's not useless -- that was a joke!)

What he said, and it resonated, was this:
"You've already made your decision. You just need to act on it."

Yes, I do know it's time to look to the future. I may never love another man the way I loved this one.

But who knows? Maybe some really good stuff is out there once I choose to look forward.

Dinner Date

One of the most talented writers I know is my aunt. She has been my inspiration for a long time.

Tonight I am having dinner with a man. It's not a date; it's not a meeting. I don't know what it is. It's not just any man -- it's the one I've lived with for 18 years. I think we're both trying to learn from each other so we don't repeat the same mistakes. I don't think I can open my heart to anyone again until I truly understand this relationship.

As I'm pondering all of this, I reread one of my aunt's poems. It's about theft and I love it.

HELP STOP CRIME
by Cecily Crossman - 1972

I accused you of a felony,
I thought you broke my heart,
And ruined my life.
But,
After thoroughly investigating the crime,
I will concede,
It could have been an inside job.

Elvis in Common

Yesterday I had a job interview. I think it went well although I did not take the advice of the friend who told me to "ugly up" and tone my personality down. I figure Mother Nature is taking care of the "ugly up" part and people who apply for marketing jobs are not expected to have demure personalities. If they are, I will never work again.

The woman CEO that I interviewed with explained why she had a Thomas Kincade picture of Graceland on her office wall. It's a long story, and really not mine to tell, but the bottom line is her mother loves Elvis. Not misses him terribly and wishes she had met him -- no, this is the type of over-the-top adoration that makes this CEO daughter take her mother to Memphis every year for Elvis Week. I was happy to be able to say, "My mother was in love with Elvis too." (I did not point out that my mother is normal and does not feel the need to trek to Graceland once a year.)

If I get the job, I will have to thank Elvis.