Rocking in Memories

Don't we all have the fantasy of kicking back in old age? Rocking next to someone we love? Sharing memories and sharing stories.

The thing that gets me about the rocking chair fantasy is I don't want to sit beside someone who doesn't share my history. I don't want to learn his stories; I want to know them by heart. I want to interrupt and say, "No, it wasn't New Orleans; it was Las Vegas." I don't want to tell someone that I was once younger and cuter and smart and capable. I want someone who remembers when I was all of those things.

You're probably thinking that I'm melancholy and muddled in memories because my divorce is progressing. You would be correct.

Just because my divorce is the right thing doesn't make it hurt less.

Endless Possibilities

Remember earlier this spring when I wrote about wanting to be "In Bloom?"

Perhaps I might really be a Pollyanna. Although lots of people bother to tell me I am not. Confused? I am. But in a really good way.

I am seeing blessings and possibilities everywhere. And I am grateful.

My marriage is ending. It's been a huge chunk of my adult life -- I'm 46 and I started dating my husband when I was 27. Sure I'm sad but mostly I'm grateful for what we had and the ability to move on.

I still don't have the job of my dreams but through the occasional frustration I realize that more opportunities are coming my way every day. I've had some good interviews and some doors opening.

I've spent the last several months living with my parents and I would not trade the experience for anything. It is not for sissies! You better know yourself and have a darned good relationship before you climb aboard that boat. Lucky for me, the relationship I remembered from my childhood was a dim comparison to the one that has resurfaced.

Before you barf from the "good time Sheri" comments, I will admit that the dog gets a little damp sometimes. She's my occasional cry pillow but that's the price she pays for getting to sleep in the bed.

I'm enjoying reconciling things in my mind and my heart. I see love and enduring friendships. I see God at work in my life.

I'm not married; I'm not single.
I'm not young; I'm not old.
I'm not rich; I'm not poor.

I'm in the in-between spaces, wallowing in the in-between places and I'm loving the possibilities.

Thrilling

Anyone with half a brain is now supposed to be completely appalled and sick of the overwhelming attention to the sudden death of Michael Jackson, aka Wacko Jacko. If you're a baby boomer or older, you've lost a few music icons ... Elvis, John Lennon, and more.

Yes, we (as a society, as a star-obsessed culture) have forgotten that the Supreme Court has a full docket ahead of them in October. The transformation of health care is going to kill us or make us stronger. Our new president has a task more overwhelming than most people care to calculate. We're still at war. The planet is possibly freezing or boiling at any given point and 99.9 percent of us who would really like to find a reasonably good fit for a reasonably good job still have not found it.

Is the untimely death of Michael Jackson worth the diversion?

Oh, probably not.

If you had asked me two weeks ago if I was a fan of his, I probably would've shrugged and said, "He's ok. I like some of his music." I would've probably added that his fascination with remaking his face gives me the creeps and the endless accusations and out-of-court settlements give me pause.

But a funny thing happened while I watched glimpses of the endless coverage of the past couple of weeks -- I was shocked at how much his music has been a part of my life. From buying a 45 record of "ABC" by The Jackson Five to associating certain songs with high school and college. The first music video I was ever interested in watching was "Thriller." I watched it again (the long version) the other day.

Of course I watched the funeral. I was touched once again by his music and by his legacy. Turns out, I'm a much bigger fan than I thought.

Word Games

You know I love word games. I do the crossword every day. I watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune (which will always be "Hangman" to me.)



My dog has been going to an obedience class. Of course, the class is really for me so I can learn everything I've done wrong and try to correct the error of my ways. All I know is we're both exhausted when it's over.

I've read several different opinions on how many words that dogs can really recognize and understand. I'm sure it varies by the breed and other factors. I just want my dog to master the basics. Maybe she needs some word games.

Whoa Betty!

I just saw The Proposal with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. It's predictable and yet, worth it. It's funny and a feel-good movie when I suspect we all crave feeling good.

Betty White made the movie. I want to be like her -- in almost every character she plays. Everyone knows I love the TV series, The Golden Girls and no, I do not refer to my nearest and dearest friends as my goldies because of this show. But the show is hysterical and it has stood the test of time.

I really started to follow Betty White in the 70s when she played the man-starved harlot, Sue Ann Nivens, on Mary Tyler Moore. I wanted to be Mary and I wanted to know Sue Ann.

Fast forward a few decades and I have known a few harlots. I've known a few ditzy gals, like Rose on The Golden Girls. I've known some really cool old women. Betty White seems to be one of the coolest.

It's A Wonderful Life

As I write this on my birthday, I must admit to a few thoughts of "what if..."

So. let's play George Bailey. What if I'd never been born?

I did not (and will not) discover a cure for any disease. I did not invent anything that will improve mankind. I did not spread the gene pool. I did not do a lot of things that I hope I may have the ability and the time to do.

Tonight I will say my prayers and I will start them with the same prayer I have said and amended since I was a little girl.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

I go off on my own from there so I won't bore you with that. But, most of my follow-up is about the gifts of my life and the abundance I have. Oh sure, I throw a few things in that are extremely and vitally selfish -- I'm human!

As another year has been acknowledged in my fleeting life, I mostly marvel at the gift of time. I hope I have more.

Even if I don't, I can put my head on the pillow, say my prayers and know that I have a wonderful life.

Happy birthday to me.

Birthdays

Of my group of golden friends, my goldies, three of us have a birthday within 9 days. Jan comes first, then me, then Lynn. Just to be different, Deb was born in October.

So, we're older and hopefully wiser. I know we are full-fledged adults but we still feel like kids a lot of the time. Our personalities and certainly our senses of humor have stayed intact.

In honor of the goldies, here are a few of my favorite quotes regarding birthdays:

"Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time."
Jean Paul Richter

"Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed."
Anthony Powell

"The forties are the old age of youth; the fifties are the youth of old age."
French proverb

"You are only young once but you can be immature for a lifetime."
John P. Grier