Endless Possibilities

Remember earlier this spring when I wrote about wanting to be "In Bloom?"

Perhaps I might really be a Pollyanna. Although lots of people bother to tell me I am not. Confused? I am. But in a really good way.

I am seeing blessings and possibilities everywhere. And I am grateful.

My marriage is ending. It's been a huge chunk of my adult life -- I'm 46 and I started dating my husband when I was 27. Sure I'm sad but mostly I'm grateful for what we had and the ability to move on.

I still don't have the job of my dreams but through the occasional frustration I realize that more opportunities are coming my way every day. I've had some good interviews and some doors opening.

I've spent the last several months living with my parents and I would not trade the experience for anything. It is not for sissies! You better know yourself and have a darned good relationship before you climb aboard that boat. Lucky for me, the relationship I remembered from my childhood was a dim comparison to the one that has resurfaced.

Before you barf from the "good time Sheri" comments, I will admit that the dog gets a little damp sometimes. She's my occasional cry pillow but that's the price she pays for getting to sleep in the bed.

I'm enjoying reconciling things in my mind and my heart. I see love and enduring friendships. I see God at work in my life.

I'm not married; I'm not single.
I'm not young; I'm not old.
I'm not rich; I'm not poor.

I'm in the in-between spaces, wallowing in the in-between places and I'm loving the possibilities.

In Bloom

Yesterday was a day of endings and beginnings. And, time for a few memories.

The first thought that hit me was the date. If I had remained married to my first husband, yesterday would have been our 25th wedding anniversary. So I thought about him. I remembered that day and many other good times.

Then I went over to the house that I used to call home to help with sorting and cleaning, as we prepare to put it on the market. I spent the bulk of the day in the same living space, with the same man that I have shared the last 18 years with.

For extra fun, I went to the attorney's office to have my signature notarized to begin the divorce process.

As I reflected on all of these things, I decided:

My first husband was a really nice man but our marriage was not meant to be. I think his wife is really glad.

The house no longer feels like my home.

The man I am married to no longer feels like my husband; He feels like a stranger.

It felt right to sign the papers.

Later I walked the dog and tried to appreciate the beautiful day. So many gorgeous flowers opening up.

I want to be in bloom too. Time to get started.