Time to Move On

Well, the Super Bowl is over and as the whole world knows, our Colts did not win. I admit that I wanted our team to come out on top but I also understand the excitement for the Saints. And I admit that if a city ever needed a sports team to bring them some good news, it's New Orleans. So, it's time to move on.

My divorce is final. It fell together pretty quickly a couple of weeks ago and then I promptly fell apart. There's a lot of two steps forward, one step back. It's hard and it's sad and it's the right thing. I'm still allowed to hurt and I'm still allowed to be mad at myself and my ex-husband. It's also time to move on.

I've allowed myself to be coddled and pampered by my parents since the separation. I am upping my intensity on the job search because I have to take something. I have to get out in the world and I have to start somewhere. I can't start rebuilding my life until I actually go out and make a new one for myself. It's time to move on.

It's also time to move on from the pity party so future posts will hopefully be much more uplifting.

Believe in Blue

I started doing laundry this morning with one mission -- my lucky Colts sweatshirt must be clean for the big game on Sunday. We're all a little Colts crazy right now. Even the dogs have outfits to cheer on our team.

Go Colts.

Pants on the Ground

Ok, I admit it. I've been watching the auditions for American Idol. Except when it becomes cruel, I am enjoying it.

Now a 62-year old civil rights activist had started a You Tube sensation. Larry Platt performed "Pants on the Ground" which includes my favorite lyric:

Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.

Since I have never been a fan of the gansta' rap, in-the-'hood dress code, this has become my new favorite song. Football players were singing it in locker rooms last weekend. My mom and I have been singing it in the car.

I highly recommend you google "Pants on the Ground" and watch the You Tube video. You might have a new favorite song.

And So It Goes

I've been lapse in updating the blog because my new year did not start out as I had hoped. I wanted to give you all sorts of good news and positive, uplifting comments about moving forward.

Instead, I was dealt a few setbacks. And I felt sorry for myself a bit.

With all the tragedy and despair in the world -- Hmmm... Haiti perhaps? -- it is indulgent and ridiculous to get depressed over little things in life. Or is it? The little things that go wrong seem very big at the time. Guess that's just human nature.

I don't live in Haiti; I live in Indiana where I came in second (AGAIN!)for a job I really wanted. I negotiated and signed divorce papers yesterday for a marriage that is long over but with a heart that is still wounded.

My heart breaks for the devastation in Haiti and yet, it is uplifted by the miraculous stories of rescue and the humanitarian efforts. My heart is broken by some things in my life right now but I know tomorrow is another day and my spirit is resiliant.

Embracing the New Year

Earlier this week, my aunt married her love. She and her new husband have both experienced love and loss with their first spouses. Now they are embracing each other and their future together. Not only am I extremely happy for them, I am inspired by them.

I'm in search of inspiration right now. Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary and my divorce is still not final. My job search is in "crash and burn" mode. I keep getting soooo close and then something happens. The roller coaster of hopes up/hopes dashed is exhausting.
But the new year is almost here and I'm finding a lot to look forward to. Or more accurately, new things to be inspired by and about.

Happy New Year

A Garden Party

If you're old enough, you might remember Ricky Nelson. If you're really old, you might remember that he was a child of Ozzie and Harriet Nelson and they had a quaint little TV sitcom that still runs in syndication.

One of the benefits of being married to (and around a lot of) musical people is they know the stories behind the songs. They tend to study these things and memorize them. Even if they get them partially wrong, it's still more than I knew to begin with.

It's hard to go back. It's difficult to face old friends and acquaintances in a new reality.

Last year, the holiday season was a blur for me. I was newly separated, a raw little thing that could barely blurt out, "Merry Christmas" without dissolving into tears. This year, honestly I am still raw but the wound is scabbed over. I made a promise to myself that I would buck up and attend social gatherings when I was asked.

In 1971, Ricky Nelson was part of a Rock & Roll Revival concert at Madison Square Garden. The crowd wanted to hear his old songs and when he launched into newer material, he was booed. He left the stage.

"Garden Party" became a hit for him in 1972.

I went to a garden party to reminisce with my old friends
A chance to share old memories and play our songs again
When I got to the garden party, they all knew my name
No one recognized me, I didn't look the same

I've been to a couple of garden parties lately. Everyone is genuinely nice and happy to see me. But it's hard to shake the feeling of not singing the right song.

Ricky Nelson was a smart cookie with lyrics. He ended the song with:

But it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well.
You see, you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

A Public Official vs. A Public Figure

Oh, I am so disappointed that Tiger is a Cheetah...

(I'm also really disappointed that I wasn't smart enough or creative enough to come up with that headline before someone else.)

I go back and forth on this one.

Before you think I might have lost my morals and my mind, let me be clear -- anyone who cheats is a dog. A double-devil, dirty dog. A slimy, scum-of-the-earth, not worthy-of-breadscraps dog.

Here's where I'm unclear: We didn't elect him to anything. If Nike wants to give him a b'jillion dollars to represent their company and he does something (anything!) to violate that contract, well ... that's between him and Nike. If people throw tons of money to attend golf tournaments where he will play or have his name attached, I'm pretty sure the contract is ironclad and there's no clause that regulates his sex life.

Tiger is not a public official. He does not solicit public funds and he does not receive millions of dollars to run for office. He receives millions of dollars for running an empire where he is expected to play golf in an exceptional manner. Sure, he's also expected to be a role model -- something I'm sure none of us would sign up to be.

The saddest part of the aftermath is money will change hands. Tiger and his wife may renegotiate their pre-nup, mid-nup, post-nup contract. Any sponsorship contract he signs in the future is likely to have a strong "character" clause. Everyone will cast a little shadow of doubt with possible dubious behavior.

You can throw all the money around that you want. There's nothing like a wife chasing your car down the street with a golf club in her hand, bashing in the windshield and wishing (for a second) it was your head.