All Muddled Up

I hope you are having a good day. In fact, I hope everything in your life is aligned with God and there is not a worry in your head.

The reality is that you probably have something niggling at you. You are worried about a spouse who drinks, a kid who lies, a child in your life who might be bullied. Or worse, the bully.

You might be worried about superficial stuff like the lines on your face or the cellulite on your thighs.

I spent a lot of years thinking I could decide what to hide and what to share when the probems of my life made me a little crazy. My minister says that there is no shame in telling the truth; the shame is in secrets. I love him but he is living a dream.

There is no shame in telling people you love and trust about the issues and pain running through your brain. Yet, when you lose friends and lose jobs and lose hope because someone is now holding your decisions against you, there is shame.

We all say, "Love me, lean on me, I won't judge you." And yet, we do.

Most Marketing People are Crazy

There's a common belief that marketing people -- and you can throw in sales people for good measure -- are slightly askew from the norm. We are.

We are the people who ask about the logo on your shirt and why you wear it. We want to understand your loyalties. We are the people who open EVERY SINGLE PIECE of our junk mail because we're interested in what other companies are doing.

We are the job that never stops and most of us who have chosen this type of career would have it no other way.

Let's get serious. My job is not world changing. It's not life changing. But something is always niggling in my brain ... Hmmm... wonder if I could convert that idea somehow? Is there a different way to sell that? Is there a new opportunity here?

I'm going to be out of the office for a few days and my company encourages "break away" time. My boss is the first to say, "You are covered. Enjoy!"

I love that attitude. But I also know that while I will kick back and enjoy myself for a few days, the iPad or the Blackberry is always near. No one will need me while I'm gone. My need is to keep up with what is going on.

You never know where the next idea will come from.

With a Full Heart

I am reading Katie Couric's book, which is a compilation of great advice from amazing people. Love her or hate her, she has tenacity and spunk. She has survived a great deal and seems to do it with an attitude of gratitude.

The book opens with a little story about her late husband who used to tell her that she must have been born on a sunny day. She calls it her greatest compliment -- the ability to see the glass half full, to find the silver lining -- fill in your cliche here.

Today I attended Palm Sunday service. I hugged people that I am blessed to hug pretty much every Sunday. Yesterday, I saw my friend come home from the hospital and she is doing well. Tomorrow, I go to a job that I waited a long time to come to fruition and I find I love it more every day.

A big dog welcomed me home with a big jump (Paws on the ground!) and a sloppy kiss. Lots of people claim to love me but no one shows me the love quite as demonstratively as Gabby.

I will put my palm above my doorway as a sign of Christian welcome. I will greet all who enter with that same spirit in my heart. And I will thank God for days like today when I am sure that I was born on a sunny day.

More Ponderings

I'm kind of stressed and one of my favorite ways to deal with it is let my mind run free. It can be fun and it can be dangerous. Feel free to weigh in.

When Bad things happen to Good People
I'm very scared about the health situation of a good friend. Actually, I have a couple of friends in scary health situations. It makes me angry. It frustrates the control freak in me. My minister told me it's perfectly okay and normal to rant and rave at God. Somehow, that made me feel better and guilty at the same time.

I Miss My Parents and my Other Dog
The time I spent living with my parents was truly a gift. We all knew it would end (we had no clue how it would end) but I truly miss my little bedroom, our teasing each other and the rediscovery of each other on a day-to-day basis. And their little dog stole a piece of my heart.

My New Job
I start my new job tomorrow. I'm nervous. I'm not afraid of my ability to do the job; I can handle it. It's more like a child on the first day in a new school. Will I fit in? Will they like me? How will I adapt to this total upheaval of my schedule?

Posture
I have always prided myself on my posture. All those years of ballet paid off in some way. And I've always ridiculed people, especially teenagers, with horrible posture. Tyler probably has permanent wounds from me poking him and hissing,"Stand up straight!" But lately I've got glimpses of myself in the mirror and I'm slightly slumping. What is that about?

Houses
Since we've reconciled, we have been making some changes to our house. With the market the way it is, we haven't decided if we're making these changes with the intent to sell or the intent to live here forever. We prefer the term "updating." It's an open proposition for now. But it feels good. I love this house. I love the changes we're making.

Shopping
Does anyone make reasonable clothing for a woman my age at a reasonable price? I refuse to dress like a teeny bopper and I'm not quite ready for stretchy pants and the sweatshirt with kittens and bunnies. Guess my current wardrobe is going to have to do for now.

Time to Move On

Well, the Super Bowl is over and as the whole world knows, our Colts did not win. I admit that I wanted our team to come out on top but I also understand the excitement for the Saints. And I admit that if a city ever needed a sports team to bring them some good news, it's New Orleans. So, it's time to move on.

My divorce is final. It fell together pretty quickly a couple of weeks ago and then I promptly fell apart. There's a lot of two steps forward, one step back. It's hard and it's sad and it's the right thing. I'm still allowed to hurt and I'm still allowed to be mad at myself and my ex-husband. It's also time to move on.

I've allowed myself to be coddled and pampered by my parents since the separation. I am upping my intensity on the job search because I have to take something. I have to get out in the world and I have to start somewhere. I can't start rebuilding my life until I actually go out and make a new one for myself. It's time to move on.

It's also time to move on from the pity party so future posts will hopefully be much more uplifting.

Tired and Cranky

Aren't there always days when you're tired of being tired? This is one of those days. I'm tired of wanting a cigarette. I'm tired of looking for a job. I'm tired of waiting for my divorce to be finalized. I'm tired of catching a glimpse of me in the mirror -- looking tired.

And yet, I've gone two weeks without a cigarette and I haven't killed anyone yet. I have a couple of promising job prospects. I have a meeting later this week that will bring the divorce closer to closure.

I'm starting to believe I'm one of those odd, ridiculously chipper people. I took my dog this evening to a small street festival. I ate bad food and listened to a band. I was the only one who started dancing.

I will never be too tired or cranky to dance.