A Dog for the Rest of My Life

I am a dog lover. Right now, I am into black labs but I love all breeds. I've had some great mutts and probably will have more. Do dogs have souls? We had this great discussion in Sunday School last week but I firmly believe they do. And, I believe they have the greatest capacity to love.

I've told you this story before but it bears repeating. When I was about 5 years old, I begged and pleaded for a dog. My mother, who had some dog issues, agreed with a few caveats:

not a puppy
housetrained
not huge

With my beloved grandmother as co-conspriator, we found the perfect dog: Candy.

Candy was with us until mid way through my college days. I miss her still. No offense to my other dogs but I think she will always be my favorite.

My parents have had oodles of dogs and I have loved them all. Well, that's not true. I was not crazy about Ashley whose idea of a good time was to bite everyone in sight. I tried very hard not to touch her.

The great thing about dogs is the one you own at the time is your favorite. Best dog ever! I miss the others but I am so grateful for the one at this time in my life. My Gabs, my friend, my dogger. And, Harriet, who lets me carry her around like a baby.


We dog people are drawn to cute sayings and cute stuff about our dogs. Here's one I read a couple of years ago about why people love dogs:

Dogs are angels here on earth. They carry a white light, a spirit. That is why people feel better after they've touched a dog. The dog has a forgiving soul and always thinks we are better than we actually are. You can tell them anything, and I mean ANYTHING, and they will always love you no matter what you have just told them. So perfect and beautiful in so many different packages, God knew what he was giving us with the gift of a dog. What a great world this would be if everyone could live up to be the great person your dog thinks you are.

I will always own a dog. Or one will always own my heart.

The Fur Coat Story

A couple of years after I graduated from college, I went to a tailgate party. One of my college guy friends brought a date and she was wearing jeans, decked-out jewelry and a fur coat.

Those were the days before Facebook but trust me, I friended her immediately. Hell, I wanted to be her.

When Dan was the person I wanted to get to know, I borrowed her coat and did the parade lap at Friday's.

Before Dan and I married, he bought me a fur. Later, we were at some benefit and somehow I ended up with another. (Think lots of wine) I bought a mink stole at some antique shop and a girlfriend told me to put it away until I was over 40. I'm well over 40 and I've worn it a couple of times.

When the Captain and the Belle lived with us (my in-laws) she brought a couple of furs and I actually bought her one on a trip to Phoenix. I have since inherited her furs.

This is all to say that no one wears furs anymore and I have a closet full.

I occasionally wear one to the country club -- one of the few places I feel certain no one will throw blood or mustard on me. I wore one to my grandfather's funeral but in reflection I think I did that to make a statement -- "You may have tried to ignore my father but here we are!"

I had a call yesterday reminding me to have them cleaned and put in storage. ($$$$) I will do it. But, I will probably not redeem all that I put on deposit.

If You Don't Know Me By Now

For someone who has spent her entire adult life making a living in communications, it occurs to me that I may not be a great communicator in my personal life.

I have a sassy mouth. I have spent many years learning to temper it. The tendency to (as my ex-husband used to say) "Ready, Fire, Aim!" has been somewhat stifled. I truly try to engage my brain before I open my mouth.

Yet, I am still me. I will continue to be an open book. I will tell you what I think if you ask me a question. If I love you, I will spend countless hours trying to craft a proper response in the kindest possible way. Or sometimes I will blurt out what I really think and apologize for the manner in which it was delivered.

I have a wacky sense of humor that I inherited honestly. My parents are two of the funniest people on the planet and even when we jab each other, it is done with a foundation of love, respect and a little bit of attitude. "You can't get rid of me!"

My family is my family. That sounds idiotic but it's important that I put it out there. I have cousins and distant relatives that I go years without seeing. But they are in my prayers and I would be there for them in a heartbeat if needed.

I have an abundance of friends and acquaintances. Most of my friends have been with me for decades. We have had the joy and the pain of watching each other experience every possible scenario. Occasionally my sassy mouth or distracted brain or wacky sense of humor gets me in trouble. I have total respect for anyone who calls me on it:

You hurt my feelings.
You shouldn't have done that.
I need you right now.
Why did you say that?

But lately, I'm copping a little attitude.

If I've been your friend (or family) for decades, shouldn't you know that my loyalty is with you? Shouldn't my best judgement count? Shouldn't you trust me that my intentions are pure?

I'm getting tired of explaining myself and my decisions. I am living with my parents because I need to do so. It is not just for financial reasons -- I could move out tomorrow and eke by for a while. I am looking for the right job, not just any job, because it is the right decision for me. I am not looking for a new husband. Having coffee or a drink with someone does not an affair make. But I also could have an affair with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and I'm pretty sure it is no one's business but mine. (and God's)

Live and learn. I lost some acquaintances in the divorce. Ok, I can live with that. But occasionally someone just blows me away with a comment or a question and I think,

Wow, you don't know me at all.

Miracles

Sometimes you can get bad news, especially a scary medical diagnosis, about someone you love. It stops you. It grips your heart like a cold, clammy fist pulsing the fear through every vein in your body. Our human tendency is to ask, "Why?"

This scenario happened to us this week when a dear friend and even-though-he's-not-blood-related family member (he's family to us) was diagnosed with stomach cancer. And then the miracles started to occur:

Thanks to the diligence of his wife, he saw a doctor and it was caught early.
It has not spread.
Deep-seated family wounds that seemed super important are now irrelevant and the healing has begun.

I don't need to know why; I'm just grateful to witness the miracle.

Social Networking

A couple of years ago, I wrote this thing that appeared in our local paper, The Indianapolis Star and it was all about how people (especially politicians) throw around the greeting, "Hello Friends."

I don't remember exactly what I wrote but I remember it had to do with the definition of friendship.

Enter social networking. I was a hold out to Facebook. I am still a hold out on Twitter. (Really, my day is not that interesting.) But, I am a marketing person and I am supposed to reasonably keep up with the times. So, I joined. And now I am addicted a little bit.

At first, I thought it was amazing that someone, anyone!, would want to friend me. Then I would catch myself in a lazy evening or at couple of stop lights, I checked Facebook. Now I have something like 200 friends and I promise you, I do not have 200 friends in real life. It's fun to see what's going on with high school & college friends, old business associates and cousins I don't see very often.

But sometimes I need to remind myself that this is not reality. Running over to a girlfriend's house is friendship. Planning a trip to the girlfriend who has been there since I was 5-years old is reality. Worrying about medical tests for a person I love is friendship.

Sometimes you get one of those prodding things: "You should be friends with XXX -- you have 18 friends in common." I clicked "Yes" a couple of times. Never heard back and you know what that means ... Ignore! Guess he forgot we were married for a couple of years.

Social networking is fun but I still know who my friends are.

Ponderings

Wish I could take credit for this but it was passed along to me. It's worth sharing.

POINTS TO PONDER

1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times when I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions at #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don't want to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of WORD and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.

15. I hate when i just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!) but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving the house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

18. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

Kudos to the anonymous author of this.

Forever Friends

My oldest and dearest friends (my goldies) are still the ones I count on -- pretty much every day. I could not have gotten through the last year, and countless other periods of my life, without one or all of them.

We are all so different now. And we're honest enough to admit that if we met recently, at this ripe ol' age, we might not see the connection. Different jobs and different lifestyles ... different religions and different family situations ... different wants and needs ... different geography ... different politics and different beliefs. You get the point.

Sometimes a shared history IS the connection. And it is a sheer act of bravery to say to someone, "I will share this with you. You get to see the real me, warts and all." It's implied between children and parents. It's rightly expected with a spouse (although we all know how well I do that one!) With girlfriends, it is a choice. Not nature/nurture/genetics and not a social/legal/moral contract.

You get the good and the bad. You get to be one of the first to know that your girlfriend lost her virginity. You get to stand beside her at her wedding(s). You get to be in the delivery room or be a godmother. You get to watch her have a diabetic attack. You get to watch her yell at her husband and/or children. You get to watch each other get too thin, too fat, drink too much, battle smoking addictions and find your way back. You get to watch each other's parents get old and make odd choices.

Sunrise. Sunset.

And then, a girlfriend hands you a copy of a poem (because she will not give up the original) that you wrote to her when you were about 14 or so. One of my bffs handed this to me last week. It said:

I have this friend. You probably know her because she is recognized everywhere she goes. With one smile, she can make everyone's day a little brighter. If something's wrong, she's always there to help work things out. She knows just what to say whenever I need a little pep talk and she knows when to say nothing because I just need someone to listen. She is the type of person who comes along once in a lifetime. And I'm so grateful I found her now.

Ok, forgive the schmaltz. I was fourteen. But the message is I knew a gem and I knew I was lucky.