Being Liturgist

I do not know the actual statistics but I know that more people would rather observe their own funeral than stand up somewhere and speak. In the top ten list of fears, public speaking always comes out as number one.

It's not my number one fear, but it's up there. So that's why I can confess to a little nervousness about beginning my month-long stint as liturgist in my church.

I rotate with Jay, Joe, John, and Matt. They all do an awesome job and regardless of which one I follow, I have that deep fear that the congregation is going to be disappointed.

When my minister asked me to join the rotation, I (for a moment) thought he might be confusing me with someone else, then I thought he might be kidding. I have finally figured out that he is amazing with figuring out what the church needs and also helping with individual growth.

When I say, "I am not worthy." He says, "No, you're not. Do it anyway."

In less than 24 hours, I will be liturgist. I will do it this month and several others next year. I have written my prayers, read my bible passages and certainly prayed for guidance.

Hypocrisy? Sometimes. Always. I know I sin. I suspect you do too. I suspect the clergy I adore and respect (current & former) do too. I love the story about the man wagging his finger at a church-going man with "Why would I go to church? It's filled with hypocrites!" And the answer is, "Isn't that the best place for us?"


What gets me through it is this. I am not public speaking. I am doing a public service for my Lord.

(This sounds so holier than thou and I don't know how to fix it!) Please muddle through and see the bigger message: Be involved! Join a house of worship!

Belly Laughs

This is a photo from my childhood. I think I posted it years ago on another blog but it's worth posting again.

This is what childhood is supposed to be. Pink bellies, bathing suits and neighborhood fun. I wish Richie and Ronnie and Jan and Tammy, Tara and the multitudes of others in our neighborhood were in this photo. I wish I had a photo of Rick Lawrence and Tom Bradley to contribute. I wish David Hinesley was in this photo because this is probably the age I began my crush on him that lasted for decades. I wish some of the weird dudes, the cool dudes and happening girls were there but I guess that came later when personalities developed.

We're so scared now. (And rightly so.) Kids are only allowed to go so many houses down and 10-year olds have to check in with their cell phone. Responsible? Yes. But also a little sad that the absolute reckless freedom of running like crazy, climbing fences and trees with abandon and all that childhood fun may be lost to a new generation.

The world changes and you all know I embrace certain changes and buck the others like a mule.

My greatest wish for children is to have faith, have great parents and have a neighborhood like the one I grew up in.

All Muddled Up

I hope you are having a good day. In fact, I hope everything in your life is aligned with God and there is not a worry in your head.

The reality is that you probably have something niggling at you. You are worried about a spouse who drinks, a kid who lies, a child in your life who might be bullied. Or worse, the bully.

You might be worried about superficial stuff like the lines on your face or the cellulite on your thighs.

I spent a lot of years thinking I could decide what to hide and what to share when the probems of my life made me a little crazy. My minister says that there is no shame in telling the truth; the shame is in secrets. I love him but he is living a dream.

There is no shame in telling people you love and trust about the issues and pain running through your brain. Yet, when you lose friends and lose jobs and lose hope because someone is now holding your decisions against you, there is shame.

We all say, "Love me, lean on me, I won't judge you." And yet, we do.

Stupid in an Educated Brain

I went to college. Had a great time & learned some stuff. Mostly, I was exposed to cultures, ideas and beliefs I had never been exposed to earlier. I think that is what college is supposed to be.

I made some incredible friends who I hope will be my friends for the rest of my life. We played quarters, got tossed around at football games, broke some laws and many rules and survived.

At one point, I put on a cap and gown and received a degree. (Two, actually.) I am an educated person.

But, today I feel really stupid.

I do not understand why we have such division in this country. I do not know why I am supposed to side with Democrats or Republicans when I don't understand any of them. I do not understand why Congress (mostly made up of millionaires) is claiming to represent me -- a lowly worker. I don't understand why the only people who can run for office have to be wealthy or prostitute for lobbyist funds.

I do not understand why our country has sunk so low. Low standards for education, low standards for health care. I do not understand our current health care system, nor do I understand the changes proposed by either party.

I do not understand how our country has now tied its financial system to every other financial system in the world and we're failing. How do we owe this much to China? How do we have a banking system that we bail out (probably by borrowing more from China) yet it controls the world markets?

How do we have sports stars and entertainment stars bargaining for more b'jillions yet we have nations with starving and dying people trying to live on $2 a week for a family?

Outside my office, there is a large tv in the lobby. It stays on CNN. Occasionally, I look up and catch a story. For the last two weeks, we spent an absurd amount of time on the trial of Dr. Conrad Murray, aka Michael Jackson's killer.

I'm an educated person who feels really, really stupid.

Hang in there my friends

This post might seem a bit cryptic. It's a shout out... a show of support ... a loving nod to many people I know and love who are struggling with ... well, let's just say they're struggling.

To J & J, You are amazing people who have dealt with a lot of adversity. I'm sorry your parents are hurting and mostly sorry that they're hurting you.

To D & S, your mom has some tough decisions to make soon. I hope you will both help her as she has tried to help you.

To T, you are being framed and we will figure something out. Regardless of the outcome, I am glad you are my friend.

To K, I want you to be healthy and well. I want to see you smile. Truthfully, I want to see you move on. (Sorry.)
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Mostly, I am just amazed at the power of friendship and the power of prayer. Hang in there, my friends. Some struggles are more visible than others.

And Where Does the Apple Fall?

For those of you without a sense of humor or a sense of irony, I strongly advise you to come back another time. This story is not politically correct. But, it is true and it embodies the connectivity of parent and child -- even with a wicked sense of humor.

You've been warned.



The Humane Society of Indianapolis sent out a plea last weekend. It was on twitter and facebook and sent to those of us on the email list. The food pantry was bare. Like food pantries that many people rely on to feed their families, this pantry helps families keep beloved pets fed.

I knew what I could do. And I knew my parents would help. So, on Sunday morning, my dad and I are loading my trunk with pet food before services. As we walked into church, he said, "Your mom and I can't stand the thought of an animal in need." We started talking about how the commercials with lonely/lost/hungry/abused animals make us crazy. And he said, "We just turn the channel. Can't stand it." I agreed. I'm johhny fast on the remote myself.

As we walked through the parking lot that led us to worship, my dad said, "Those commercials with the starving children don't bother me nearly as much."

At that moment, I knew the apple had not fallen far from the tree.

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Note from author: I beg of you friends. My father would put his life on the line for any child, any dog, any person. Please see the humor and know that I am not showcasing him in any other way.

Abortion and the Death Penalty

Heavy subject. I know. Welcome back.

I am terribly torn about this man that was put to death on Wednesday night. I used to think that some of these people who might be wrongly convicted were still ok to be in prison because their rap sheets were so long that they had to be guilty of many things. But death? Come on! His majority of people who testified against him recanted their testimony. There was zero DNA evidence against him. But, he died by lethal injection by the courts and the government of our USA. I am also deeply troubled by the number of people we find not guilty as science, like DNA testing, catches up with reality.

Then I start listening to the politicians and their posturing. It seems the same peole who will wave the disgusting pictures of fetuses and partial birth abortions are the same people who want to bring back the firing squad.

No, I'm not picking on Republicans. I'm picking on those of us who choose not to be humanitarians.

I have never been faced with the unplanned pregnancy but I'm pretty sure I know what my choice would've been. I'm also pretty sure I would not have wanted my life, my future child's life or my fetus' life (however you choose to view it) held in the hands of a politician.

It's also pretty unlikely that I will be in the wrong place, wrong time and be accused of gunning down a policeman.

I have no way of tying a nice bow around this and wrapping it up nice and neatly. I'm not suggesting that the woman with the unwanted pregnancy should've had an abortion so her child didn't wind up a criminal. I'm not suggesting that the criminal who was executed wasn't guilty.

I'm merely suggesting that is all messy and ugly and the politicians who reduce it all to a sound bite and a campaign slogan make me choke back the bile.