Being Wooed

Here's a little quiz. Just whisper the answer to yourself.

Do you like to be told you're attractive?
Do you enjoy feeling smart?
Do you like someone laughing at your humor?
Do you like to fall asleep when someone has just said, "I love you."

Well, of course you do. We all do.

I'm no expert at marriage; I'm probably a better expert at divorce. Yet I do know that anyone who consistently makes you feel smart, funny and attractive is wooing you. And if you could bottle that phase of respect and appreciation, no one would ever need a divorce lawyer.

Marry the Geek

I met someone the other day and we chatted about clothes, favorite vacation spots and fun restaurants. In the course of the getting-to-know-you conversation, I asked what her husband does for a living. He's head of IT for some fancy shmancy corporation.

I am officially, over-the-top, out-of-my-head jealous.

Please remember that I have never met this man. But I am starting to think with my head instead of my heart. And I am not interested in how much money a man makes or who he knows at the country club. I don't care if he can get the governor on the phone or get free tickets to whatever hot act is coming to town.

If I ever date or marry again, I will be practical. I want the guy who can work the remotes or fix my computer when I'm having a meltdown at 2:00 AM.

Dinner Date

One of the most talented writers I know is my aunt. She has been my inspiration for a long time.

Tonight I am having dinner with a man. It's not a date; it's not a meeting. I don't know what it is. It's not just any man -- it's the one I've lived with for 18 years. I think we're both trying to learn from each other so we don't repeat the same mistakes. I don't think I can open my heart to anyone again until I truly understand this relationship.

As I'm pondering all of this, I reread one of my aunt's poems. It's about theft and I love it.

HELP STOP CRIME
by Cecily Crossman - 1972

I accused you of a felony,
I thought you broke my heart,
And ruined my life.
But,
After thoroughly investigating the crime,
I will concede,
It could have been an inside job.

Suddenly Single

Well, it's starting. People told me it would happen and I disagreed.

More than one man has requested my company on a date.

I hate it. I hate me for questioning motives. I hate that I have lost the protective cocoon of marriage. It allowed me to be friendly and silly. It allowed me to dance when the spirit moved me -- as it often does.

I know I'm not married but I don't feel single. I feel like a bratty 5-year old saying, "I don't want to date and you can't make me!"

I don't date. Don't ask me.

But put on the right song and I'll dance like a fool.

Dating? Ugh.

I haven't been on a first date in about 18 years. My husband used to tell the story of our beginning as, "We went on a couple of dates and then she never left." There's a kernel of truth there.

The whole idea of dating fills me with dread and makes me want to crawl into bed with a book and a huge bowl of ice cream. It's too soon ... I'm too raw. But I know I will face it eventually.

One of the great safety nets of marriage is the ability to be with people of the opposite sex and no one thinks you're on the prowl. They know me. They know my husband. They know I'm going home to him. With strangers, a simple, "I'm married" clarifies the situation nicely. I'm used to going out alone or with girlfriends, running into people I know, etc. Now it feels odd.

I did have a date a couple of weekends ago. He wore a suit and tie and treated me like a Queen.

The next weekend I was tossed aside for a better woman; his wife returned home.