Easter Prayers

I pray a lot. I think everyone does. Even people who have no faith seem to call upon a higher being in certain times. I, boastfully, like knowing who I am talking to. (Sin #1 right there -- being boastfful.)

I have never made the connection with the Easter Bunny, the egg hunt, etc. That doesn't mean I haven't participated. I just don't get it. Of course, we did the Santa thing with young children while also recognizing the meaning of the season.

It's frustrating when God answers your prayers and the answer is no. I prayed like crazy for a couple of friends with cancer and yet, God decided to bring them home. Sometimes you've go to accept that God's plan differs from your plan.

But Easter represents new life and new beginnings. So with that in mind, I give you some Easter prayers:

Peace in households, peace in neighborhoods, peace in countries
Harmless animals who find welcoming homes
Children in need who receive help
Jobless people who find jobs
Badly dressed people who get a clue

Ok, I threw that last one in there to make you smile. Happy Easter to all.

The Fur Coat Story

A couple of years after I graduated from college, I went to a tailgate party. One of my college guy friends brought a date and she was wearing jeans, decked-out jewelry and a fur coat.

Those were the days before Facebook but trust me, I friended her immediately. Hell, I wanted to be her.

When Dan was the person I wanted to get to know, I borrowed her coat and did the parade lap at Friday's.

Before Dan and I married, he bought me a fur. Later, we were at some benefit and somehow I ended up with another. (Think lots of wine) I bought a mink stole at some antique shop and a girlfriend told me to put it away until I was over 40. I'm well over 40 and I've worn it a couple of times.

When the Captain and the Belle lived with us (my in-laws) she brought a couple of furs and I actually bought her one on a trip to Phoenix. I have since inherited her furs.

This is all to say that no one wears furs anymore and I have a closet full.

I occasionally wear one to the country club -- one of the few places I feel certain no one will throw blood or mustard on me. I wore one to my grandfather's funeral but in reflection I think I did that to make a statement -- "You may have tried to ignore my father but here we are!"

I had a call yesterday reminding me to have them cleaned and put in storage. ($$$$) I will do it. But, I will probably not redeem all that I put on deposit.

With a Full Heart

I am reading Katie Couric's book, which is a compilation of great advice from amazing people. Love her or hate her, she has tenacity and spunk. She has survived a great deal and seems to do it with an attitude of gratitude.

The book opens with a little story about her late husband who used to tell her that she must have been born on a sunny day. She calls it her greatest compliment -- the ability to see the glass half full, to find the silver lining -- fill in your cliche here.

Today I attended Palm Sunday service. I hugged people that I am blessed to hug pretty much every Sunday. Yesterday, I saw my friend come home from the hospital and she is doing well. Tomorrow, I go to a job that I waited a long time to come to fruition and I find I love it more every day.

A big dog welcomed me home with a big jump (Paws on the ground!) and a sloppy kiss. Lots of people claim to love me but no one shows me the love quite as demonstratively as Gabby.

I will put my palm above my doorway as a sign of Christian welcome. I will greet all who enter with that same spirit in my heart. And I will thank God for days like today when I am sure that I was born on a sunny day.

The Stupid Pill

I read a great line in a novel I was reading lately.

"When did you take the stupid pill and how quickly does it wear off?"

As someone who has taken a number of stupid pills in her life, I immediately identified. I am also guilty of looking at and listening to someone while judging them completely and totally addicted to stupid pills.

We all do stupid things. Some are harmless. Others wreck our marriages, our children, our finances, our trust in others and their ability to trust us.

I was recently looking at some photos on Facebook of people I love dearly. I saw a crazy amount of cleavage and beer bottles. I saw young people who will one day be looking for a job and these photos will come back to haunt them. I saw people I love who took the stupid pill.

Pasadena Peeps

(Thanks to Kim for this title)

If you look me up, here's some basic things you'll find. I went to Howe H.S. on the east side of Indianapolis and then on to I.U.

It's too bad that your online profile and public records only reflect education and employment because we are all so much more than that. We are formed by parents, family and friends. And if you're really lucky, you are also formed by a great neighborhood.

Maybe I'm jaded but I don't think neighborhoods have the same kind of intricate bond that they did in my childhood. We were quintessential throwbacks to:

kids in and out of each others homes
parents sitting on the front porch
shared babysitters
grandparents who knew all the neighbors
porch lights indicating when it was time to come in

I wish every child in America could grow up in a great neighborhood. Here's what makes it great in my mind:

The core people rarely move and if they do, they want to come back.
The neighborhood children who still love to come back and tell their version of the stories. And they bring their children.
Pulling on the street and waving at neighbors who you have known forever.

I say once a peep, always a peep. I can get annoyed with some of them but I love them to the core. And that includes my parents.

There's great comfort in people who love you -- warts and all.

More Ponderings

I'm kind of stressed and one of my favorite ways to deal with it is let my mind run free. It can be fun and it can be dangerous. Feel free to weigh in.

When Bad things happen to Good People
I'm very scared about the health situation of a good friend. Actually, I have a couple of friends in scary health situations. It makes me angry. It frustrates the control freak in me. My minister told me it's perfectly okay and normal to rant and rave at God. Somehow, that made me feel better and guilty at the same time.

I Miss My Parents and my Other Dog
The time I spent living with my parents was truly a gift. We all knew it would end (we had no clue how it would end) but I truly miss my little bedroom, our teasing each other and the rediscovery of each other on a day-to-day basis. And their little dog stole a piece of my heart.

My New Job
I start my new job tomorrow. I'm nervous. I'm not afraid of my ability to do the job; I can handle it. It's more like a child on the first day in a new school. Will I fit in? Will they like me? How will I adapt to this total upheaval of my schedule?

Posture
I have always prided myself on my posture. All those years of ballet paid off in some way. And I've always ridiculed people, especially teenagers, with horrible posture. Tyler probably has permanent wounds from me poking him and hissing,"Stand up straight!" But lately I've got glimpses of myself in the mirror and I'm slightly slumping. What is that about?

Houses
Since we've reconciled, we have been making some changes to our house. With the market the way it is, we haven't decided if we're making these changes with the intent to sell or the intent to live here forever. We prefer the term "updating." It's an open proposition for now. But it feels good. I love this house. I love the changes we're making.

Shopping
Does anyone make reasonable clothing for a woman my age at a reasonable price? I refuse to dress like a teeny bopper and I'm not quite ready for stretchy pants and the sweatshirt with kittens and bunnies. Guess my current wardrobe is going to have to do for now.

Giving Up. Giving In. Going Home.

Sorry for the long delay since my last post. Quite a bit going on.

Is your marriage certificate just a piece of paper? If so, is your divorce decree just another one? I've had people make comments of that sort to me and truthfully, I don't agree. I appreciate the legalities involved but I also know the emotional importance of both.

I am back with my ex-husband -- the love of my life. For both of us, it represents exactly what the title of this blog post says. We are giving up, giving in and finding home again. And, redefining it. We are two people in various stages of mid life embracing our past and determined to celebrate the good parts while not repeating the bad parts. I met this man when I was 26 and married him when I was 29. He has been my husband, lover and friend for most of my adult life.

Perhaps this marriage had to run into a ditch for us both to realize what we have and what we screwed up. I'm not big on trying to figure out God's plan -- I'm not that smart. But with hindsight, I can see we needed the break to appreciate what we had and what we have found again.

A couple of years ago, we were at a lake cottage with friends. Gabby on his lap and all of us having fun on the pier. We will do that again next weekend but oh how we have grown and changed.



I'm giving up. I'm giving up things like pride, my control-freak tendencies and my judgemental ways when he says or does something I don't agree with. I'm giving in. Giving in to the pure, raw feeling that says to me, "This is right."

I'm home.