Forever Friends

My oldest and dearest friends (my goldies) are still the ones I count on -- pretty much every day. I could not have gotten through the last year, and countless other periods of my life, without one or all of them.

We are all so different now. And we're honest enough to admit that if we met recently, at this ripe ol' age, we might not see the connection. Different jobs and different lifestyles ... different religions and different family situations ... different wants and needs ... different geography ... different politics and different beliefs. You get the point.

Sometimes a shared history IS the connection. And it is a sheer act of bravery to say to someone, "I will share this with you. You get to see the real me, warts and all." It's implied between children and parents. It's rightly expected with a spouse (although we all know how well I do that one!) With girlfriends, it is a choice. Not nature/nurture/genetics and not a social/legal/moral contract.

You get the good and the bad. You get to be one of the first to know that your girlfriend lost her virginity. You get to stand beside her at her wedding(s). You get to be in the delivery room or be a godmother. You get to watch her have a diabetic attack. You get to watch her yell at her husband and/or children. You get to watch each other get too thin, too fat, drink too much, battle smoking addictions and find your way back. You get to watch each other's parents get old and make odd choices.

Sunrise. Sunset.

And then, a girlfriend hands you a copy of a poem (because she will not give up the original) that you wrote to her when you were about 14 or so. One of my bffs handed this to me last week. It said:

I have this friend. You probably know her because she is recognized everywhere she goes. With one smile, she can make everyone's day a little brighter. If something's wrong, she's always there to help work things out. She knows just what to say whenever I need a little pep talk and she knows when to say nothing because I just need someone to listen. She is the type of person who comes along once in a lifetime. And I'm so grateful I found her now.

Ok, forgive the schmaltz. I was fourteen. But the message is I knew a gem and I knew I was lucky.

The Color Guard

This is not me or my mother. But, it works. It's a pretty good image of the expression we've both mastered.

I am drawn to colorful people. You know, the kind of people who start a story with:

"Remember that time we were so drunk and then we ..."
"How did it feel when we stuffed you guys in the trunk so we could pay less at the XXX drive-in and then we ..."

I used to wish (Oh please God, just once!) that I could tell her about an adventure gone awry or a risk that didn't pan out. And, she would say, "Oh Honey, everyone has done that. I did that." These wishes came often throughout my teenage years.

Like:
When the high school principal called to report that I was not in school and he suspected I was at the track.

When I rode to Purdue with total strangers to visit my boyfriend. I had my roommate lie for me the entire weekend. His roommate's parents lived across the street from my parents so the secret didn't stay secret for long.

When I was forbidden to get on a motorcycle -- EVER -- and I got on one with a boy. Turned the corner and pulled up next to my mother at a stoplight.

What I didn't get caught doing, I've long since told her the gory details. I don't think I shock her much anymore. Although running my life off into this latest ditch has spiced things up a bit.

She told me the other day that she has no desire to do any irresponsible or reckless things. But she's considering making up a wild-oat-sowing past to make herself sound more interesting.

Trust me on this: No one would buy it.

She is wise and responsible and wonderful. She has a wicked sense of humor and a heart of gold. How she wound up with me is a puzzle that confounds us both.

She did and I'm eternally grateful.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom and to all moms.

"An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest."
Spanish proverb