Day Six

Still not smoking! I guess it's getting easier. I feel like it is and then I have a wave of something that makes me want to rip someone's face off. So far, I have been able to control myself.

Interestingly, I am craving the nicotine less than I'm craving the habit. I guess the Chantix must be doing its job. I still have my triggers:

Getting in the car
Leaving someplace where you can't smoke
After eating, etc.

My buddy is also hanging in there. She has a lot of nervous energy and is funneling it into home improvements. In a few days, she'll have remodeled her entire home.

I'm not deceiving myself -- there are lots of hard times, cravings and temptations ahead. But I'm starting to believe I can do it this time. If you understood how down I am about where my life is, you'd understand that feeling this hope is a gift.

Quitting Smoking

I am quitting smoking. Tomorrow is my first smoke-free day. I am excited and scared.

In my early years of working at the bank, everyone smoked. Right there in their offices -- it seems unheard of now. Conference rooms were decorated with huge crystal ashtrays. My boss and I spent countless hours working on budgets, plans and solving all the problems sharing a pot of coffee and filling the ashtray.

A few years later we moved into a brand new building -- Gasp! Nonsmoking! He decided to quit and we all cheered him on. But, I'll never forget him saying to me, "If I'm diagnosed with lung cancer, the first thing I'm going to do is buy a carton of cigarettes and smoke them all!"

Ok, he was in withdrawal. But I do understand the power of addiction.

Tomorrow is my turn. I've taken my Chantix even though I despise pills and I have a buddy enduring this with me. We figure we can hold each other accountable and also take our bitchy moods out on each other.

I'm telling you this for a couple of reasons:

I would appreciate support and prayers.
It's highly likely the mood of the blog may turn a little cranky for a bit.